Emotion

So this blog post is rather abstract and not like what I usually post, which is the comings and goings of our family, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I good friend of mine recently said that emotion isn't something to be afraid of because it is what makes us human.  I've thought about that a lot.  People have accused me before of not having or showing emotion, I guess that is because I don't always show my emotions the way other people do.  Each of us expresses our feelings differently; some of us wear it on our sleeves, and some of us play it a little closer to the chest.  I don't think there is a right or wrong way, it's just different.  One of the ways I express myself and share emotions is through writing.  It is much easier for me to share a thought or a feeling through writing than aloud, and my very long journal is proof of it :) 
We are roughly halfway through this deployment. We've had a lot of ups and downs, thankfully more ups than downs, and overall I feel like our family has grown a lot.  I'm excited and terrified to see the growth that will happen the next six months.  Although, (as wimpy as this sounds) Dallas being deployed has been the hardest thing I have ever done, I have never been more grateful for my blessings.  Sometimes as Amaya, Oaklie, and I are bumping along, I find myself being rather numb to Dallas being gone and think to myself, "Oh this is just normal life." And then I stumble across a picture like this:


This is Dallas and me in June of 2008. We had been dating for two weeks and this picture was taken the night before he left for his annual two week training.  At this point in our relationship, we had already decided to get married and we had already set a date, but we hadn't gotten engaged officially yet (Dallas told me later he'd already bought my ring :) ).   I remember this night.  I felt like my heart was breaking. 
Even though twelve months is a lot longer to go without seeing Dallas than two weeks, it doesn't mean that it was easy the first time he left for Army stuff.  It was still really hard.  I missed him so much it ached.  It was all I could think about, and I looked at his picture a thousand times a day. It was the longest two weeks of my life.
The thing that is so amazing about the Atonement is the compassion that Christ has for us.  Although he has suffered more pain than we could ever imagine, He doesn't tell us that we need to suck it up.  He loves us and He mourns with us.  When Lazarus died, Jesus saw the sorrow of His friends, had compassion on them, and wept, even though He knew that Lazarus would be brought back to life soon. (John 11)

It brings me so much comfort and teaches me so much that Christ is a perfect man who lived a perfect life and showed emotion.  It teaches me that I need to have more compassion for others and that it is not wrong to share your emotions with other people.  I started crying last week in Relief Society and I was really embarrassed about it, it's something that's really out of character for me. Although, to be fair, they shouldn't do a lesson on sacrifice unless they want a lot of crying :) But then I thought about the story Dallas and I had read about Lazarus and it reminded me that it is okay to share our feelings with others.  I have learned so much from other people who have shared their precious moments with me.  If having emotion is what makes us human, then sharing emotion is how we connect. It is what makes us brothers and sisters in the gospel.